Building My Resume

My resume is extensive, and, if I may humbly say so, impressive.

No, not my work resume (though I am proud of that). My parenting resume. Ahhh. Now your wheels are turning.

Think about it. Think about all the hats we parents wear on a daily basis. It is overwhelming, challenging, and, sometimes, fun.  Obviously there is a different application process for becoming a parent, but imagine if you had to submit a resume. Here are some imaginary entries that most parents can identify with:

Job Titles:

Chief Executive Monster Destroyer

Assistant Lunch Distributor

Co Director of Toddler Activities

Master of Ceremonies and Tea Parties.

Diaper Technician

Sick Day Supervisor

Finder of Lost Toys

Toy Repair Technician

Taster of Foods

Independent Home Rehabilitator

Crayon Organization Consultant

Dress-up Costumer

Chief Tub Supervisor

Public Relations Officer

Conflict Resolution Advisor

Punching Bag

Scapegoat

1st 2nd and 3rd Shift Supervisor

Glitter Magnet

Chief Nap Consultant

Potty Trainer

Shoe Tie-er

Bike Chaser

Bodyguard

Chief Hug and Kiss Officer

 

Skills:

Ability to use restroom while rocking sick baby.

Able to leap over mounds of Legos in a single bound.

Expert catcher of projectile vomit in vehicles.

Can sleep with one eye open.

Can sing, rock, sway, and do dishes.

Able to identify the difference between Cookie Monster and Grover from Sesame Street.

Able to read stories in thematic voices. Repeatedly.

Achieved the successful watching of the same Disney film 30 times.

Has eyes in the back of head.

Can hear and smell danger a mile away.

Able to disguise vegetables and fruits as food.

Can operate on 2 hours interrupted sleep.

Runs on lukewarm coffee.

Can read books upside down in the dark – with a British accent.

Can do the new math.

Able to color inside the lines.

Can navigate roads while listening to Let it Go for the 50th time.

Namer of children.

 

And that’s just what I thought of while brewing the coffee. What would parental resumes  look like?

That’s all I’ve got for now…Captain Out.

(This is embarrassing, but I don’t know how to get the little accent above the e in resume. Help? Thanks.) IMAG2267

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5 thoughts on “Building My Resume

  1. Awesome! This is great! I was a stay at home mum and I loved my job – the commute was great but the feedback wasn’t always (ever) very positive. However, I got over my fear of peeing while being watched. And eating, and dressing, and pretending to sleep, and reading, and cleaning my nose…

    ( Assuming you have a Mac – to input the letter é, hold down the Option key, then the E key. Release both keys then type lowercase e.) 🙂

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