Captain’s Log. Daddy Chronicles. Diaper Date 2258
This one is for the haters. Haters is probably a harsh word to use. Instead, I will dedicate this post to the ungrateful. November is the month of thanks. We should be thankful more than one month a year (just as we should celebrate Black History, Hispanic Heritage, Women’s History, etc. more than one month a year), however because it is the month that Thanksgiving falls in, Facebook posts have been littered with people writing daily updates of the things for which users are thankful.
Poop Deck Community, I don’t have a problem with this trend. I love it. But for every thankful status there is another saying that those are obnoxious. The Captain wants to please people, so instead of making a list of what I am thankful for, I have constructed an ungrateful list. Specifically, 9 things that I am ungrateful for. Using a bit of reverse psychology, I think this list will actually increase my appreciation of which I have already.
So without further delay- (as ESPN would call it) The NOT Top 9.
#9 Changing stations in the “Accessible Bathroom Stall”. Men’s bathrooms are awkward enough, but when you have to change a diaper in a previously used stall? That ain’t fair. You have to hold your breath while breaking diaper changing records, all the while avoiding touching ANYTHING. And the changing station sanitary covers? They are ALWAYS gone.
#8 Cailou I’m sorry, but I see no redeeming quality in this show. The kid whines for 30 minutes. It seems more like torture than entertainment.
#7 Stroller height. For someone who is slightly above average height, the task of pushing a stroller can sometimes be an arduous task. The handles usually sit right below the waist. I don’t like that. I would love to be able to rest my elbows on the bar. I dunno, maybe I am just being lazy here.
#6 Toys, at kid height, in the check out aisle. I get it, marketers. You are brilliant. If the kids can reach it, the chances rise exponentially (statistics term) that that item is going home. I think as payback, the individual who placed the items there should have to ride home with my kids after I tell them no.
#5 Petting farms. Shhhh. This is my list. I know people love animals. I know they can be cute and cuddly. I know kids are deeply intrigued and humored by them, but I am ungrateful for them. Animals roll in dirt. They eat poop. They lick themselves. There is no amount of hand sanitizer that can quell the anxiety in my system when the kids start running around Old McDonald’s farm.
#4 Handwash only dishes. There is absolutely nothing worse than purchasing a new mug, cup, sippy thing that needs to be handwashed – or worse, the type that you have to remove the straw or lid and handwash it, but the cup can go in the machine. What’s the point of having a dishwasher if so many dishes need to be done by hand.
#3 Round Shoelaces. Yes, I know that they “look” better, and they come in sorts of colors and designs. However, I hate the fact that these shoelaces seem to untie faster and more frequently than their predecessors.
#2 Trailer Movie Clips that aren’t in the actual movie. How many times have you seen a movie trailer with a really funny scene, or action clip that takes your breath away…only to find it isn’t actually in the movie. Deleted scenes do not belong in movie trailers.
#1 Grocery stores that use less than half of the available check-out lanes. I hate waiting in line. I hate waiting in line in one of those huge grocery stores when there are only two lanes open and a dozen or more empty, desolate, abandoned lanes that seem to simply laugh with disdain at my impatience. Why would they build 24 lanes and only routinely use 5 or fewer? It is an outcry. It’s unfair. It’s impractical. And don’t get me started on those “Self-Serve” lanes that never seem to work.
Okay, let’s be real. If these are the worst problems that I have, then I am probably doing pretty well. As fun as it is to come up with an “ungrateful” list, the truth is I am pretty grateful for the life that I have, my family and friends.
One of the things that I am grateful for? My health. As many of you know, November is also known as “Movember”. The Captain is participating in a Movember competition with a number of other Dad Bloggers. The competition is a fund-raiser for Men’s Health. We are all growing mustaches because, well…it’s fun and as a symbol of solidarity for Men’s Health.
You can check out The Captain’s donation page here, or make a donation to the Dad Blogger team. In all honesty, there are no losers in this contest. If you have the time and inclination, check out my page, or my team’s page, and drop a dime.
In the meantime, I am done complaining (sorry haters), and I am going to go somewhere and be thankful.
So, for now…Captain out.
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