Captain’s Log. Daddy Chronicles. Diaper Date 1597…or something like that. Sleep is the final frontier. I read Facebook statuses from friends about these things called “naps”, or “sleeping in”. I have forgotten what these experiences are like. When your first child is born they encourage you to nap when the child naps. This is sage advice. You need it. You need sleep.
However, I noticed that no one gives sage advice about sleep when you have two kids. Instead, I just remember people making the sign of the cross, or muttering things under their breath. There is no hope. You are officially outnumbered, outgunned, outtoyed. I feel like Macbeth when he says, “Sleep no more. Macbeth doth murder sleep.” Of course the difference is I’m not awake out of guilt of killing the fair King Duncan, or my good friend Banquo (really? You don’t know what I’m talking about? Pick up a book people!). It’s the kids.
If you aren’t playing with the older child you are cleaning up toys, dishes, or after the animals. It is a chaotic dance you do. Reminds me of the cleanup crew on the Rocky and Bullwinkle show – always in motion. There’s always something to sweep up.
And once the cute little tax deductions finally fall asleep – that is when you do laundry, cook, or have time for yourself. Next thing you know it is the next day and they are waking again.
One day sleep and I shall be reaunited. There will be a party – with quiet music, soft pillows, and no clocks. It will be dark, cool, and comfortable. And I will sleep.
In the meantime, I will continue to lean on coffee, smiles, and corny jokes. Sleep deprivation will not deter me.
I also propose a piece of legislation. We already have daylight savings time. Well, since time is a man made thing that can be manipulated anyways – I propose Captain Bill 24.5-7-365+8.2 (I just made up numbers). It is the Parents Savings Time Bill. It adds 2 hours to each day during which it is mandatory that every child under the age of 18 is asleep – enforcible with FDA approved tranq blow darts (it’s feels like a mosquito bite…that’s all).
This two hour window would be a parent siesta (sp?). No laundry, dishes, or chores may be done. Only sleep. Also enforcible through FDA approved tranq blow darts. (Is it possible to tranq dart yourself?)
Okay. Maybe I am taking this too far. I need to sleep on it and come up with a new idea.
Well, it is time to make the donuts.
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